It took me a year and a half, but it finally happened. I watched Netflix's "To The Bone", about a girl suffering from anorexia and her recovery journey.
When it was first released I was very fresh into recovery and triggered by nearly everything. I would say I was in recovery, but not really sure if I was ready to commit to it. I put on the movie, and in the first ten minutes, I cried and turned off the movie.
Here's what I'll say: it's a good movie. For those who don't have first-hand knowledge of eating disorders, it can be an educational and eye-opening film. The intended audience is probably not intended for those who have suffered. It is not intending to be triggering or make light of a serious, life-threatening disease.
If you feel uncomfortable by the movie, put it off until you are in more stable footing in your recovery. If you still have you heart or mind set on watching the film, watch it with someone you are comfortable with. Pause the movie if you are having a hard time with a particular scene and talk about how you're feeling and why you feel this way. This can also help the other person understand the way you think about certain scenarios.
Now that I can look at the film objectively and with my first-hand knowledge of what treatment was like for me, I can see what the film did right. And they have many things right.
-People don't know how to confront the sufferer- this is frequently the case and people have different approaches which can be anger, giving up as a result of frustration, or trying to shock them into recovery. In the beginning, Ellen's step mom is upset seeing her body and the number on the scale. She takes a picture of her body and shows her what she looks like, asking her if she thinks it's beautiful. (often times, which was also the case in my own experience, the person suffering will have a skewed vision of what their body actually looks like), however, trying to guilt-trip them into recovery is not beneficial.
The sister says "I don't really get it just eat." She says she doesn't get to have a sister and every time she looks at pictures of the two, she remembers when she was sick. The sister believes her eating disorder was a conscious choice, as she asks her "every time I ask you why you do this I get some stupid, non answer."
A lot of people who don't have knowledge of eating disorders do not understand the internal struggle or how it came to be and will beg, plead, and maybe yell "just eat!" This is frustrating for both parties, as "just eat" is not a viable solution.
Her mom bought her a hamburger cake that says "eat up, Ellen" telling her it's supposed to be funny. This was a 'joke' that used to cause me to freak out, too, because people just didn't seem to understand!
-The sufferer doesn't comprehend the seriousness of the problem: Ellen uses humor to diffuse the situation, which was a coping mechanism I relied heavily on, too, to get the attention off of myself. Her step mom asks her "are you proud of yourself?" to which she responds "I'm maintaining". Even if you're maintaining your body weight, your weight is not at a healthy level. You cannot see the damage that was done to your organs and the nutrients you may be missing (electrolytes, potassium, etc.).
-Parents/ caretakers feel guilt: Most likely an eating disorder cannot be attributed to one problem or cause, but likely a series of influences that accumulated overtime. Parents often feel guilt of "how did they not see things were getting so bad?" or "how can we not have stopped this from happening?" The mom feels helpless, saying "I don't know what to do, she's dying right in front of us." This is how my mom felt with me, too. Unfortunately, it is something the sufferer needs to confront, and be ready and willing to accept help to get better.
-Isolation: The sufferer will often avoid social situations that involve food/alcohol to stick to their strict food rules, and as a result will spend a lot of time alone. Depression/anxiety can also lead the person to avoid outings.
-Eating disorders don't discriminate: in the treatment center there was a man, a woman of color, a young girl, and a pregnant woman. It can happen to anybody.
-Talking about food/numbers is triggering: in treatment, patients aren't allowed to discuss food, weight, numbers with each other and parents and doctors are encouraged to avoid this type of talk as well. Ellen sent another patient into a panic when she told her how many calories were in each bag of her feeding tube. When I had my feeding tube, another patient said "damn, they're really feeding you, huh?" and from that point on I would "forget" to re-plug my feeding tube after going to the bathroom, I would encourage doctors to turn it off for a period of time, or to slow down the rate of feed.
-Restricting food messes with your body: After an extended time of restriction, you can lose your period. You can start to grow extra hair on your body, as your bodies way to try to keep warm. After your body has fed off the fat tissue, it will go to feeding off muscle, than organ tissue.
-Food rules: The sufferer might have a strict set of rules surrounding what they will/will not eat, the times they will/will not eat, who they will eat with, where and how. These rules most likely will not make sense to anyone else, but to the one suffering they seem perfectly valid and justified at the time.
-More often than not, getting to the root of the problem is not black/white:
"How do you do it? Eat? I get all panicky thinking about it"- Ellen
"Feel the fear, do it anyway."
"Aren't you scared you aren't going to be able to stop?" - Ellen
"I'm not going to lie... I'm really fucking hungry"
"Whenever I can't sleep I draw food"
This was a big concern of mine as well when I was first recovering. I was so scared that my body would go from one extreme to the other, and that once I started taking in food again, I wouldn't be able to stop. This was not the case at all. My body would crave the things it was missing, if I was tuning in and fully listening to it. I wondered why I would crave things like peanut butter, and my dietitian told me our brains are mostly composed of fats, and my body was deprived of it for so long, my body is telling me that's what it desperately needs to start to heal.
-You can't force someone into treatment- You can, but if they're not ready to accept recovery into their life, then treatment will only be 30 days, their electrolytes and nutrient levels will be stabilized, then most likely they will return home and revert back to their old habits. What you can do is be a friend, be patient, listen, try to understand to the best of your ability, and if you can't listen with empathy to your friend and ask them what you can do to help.
If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, you can visit nationaleatingdisorders.org for more information and resources.
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