Intuitive Eating

"If you don't love it, don't eat it. And if you love it, savor it."

-Evelyn Tribole, Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program That Works 

During my time in recovery, and much while I was suffering with disordered eating habits, I heard a lot about the intuitive eating approach. 

What sounds simple in theory, tuning into your body to ask "what do I really want?" "what will satisfy me?" and "am I full yet?" seemed like an impossible feat for me. 

It came to me as a rude wake up call one morning, when I realized I would be late for school...again. 

In the depths of my disorder, I spent every morning trying to do a small act of self-care before I got started on my sometimes 10-12 hour days. This for me usually meant coloring or writing in my journal. In hindsight, this was very much not an act of self-care, but rather a way for me to waste time, so I could use "lack of time" as an excuse not to eat breakfast before heading out to school or work. 

I spent a lot of time trying to push back meals as long as I could, because the simple act of sitting down for a meal brought me so much anxiety: what would I eat? How much? When? Where? I couldn't get through the grocery store without a panic attack, if I wanted a snack or a drink I would run into the kitchen like a thief in the night, grab what I needed and run back to my room. 

The first step I took towards intuitive eating was taking inventory of what I was actually eating. This was alarming to me, as I could count the amount of foods I would eat on one hand. I realized that the foods that I was eating and was willing to eat, weren't foods that I actually liked. I was eating them for their nutritional content on the label, or lack-thereof, considering everything I had conditioned myself to eat was low-cal, low-fat, low-carb, or all of the above. I was scared to eat anything of substance.

I made a list of foods I liked before my disorder started, foods I might be willing to try, and foods that I definitely wasn't ready for right now.

It became a fun exercise for me, because for the longest time, I couldn't remember when I ate food for enjoyment. I asked my mom if she could remember how I used to eat, back when I didn't have any rules, and I begged her to help me eat normal. My mom and my doctors helped me to remember things that I enjoyed eating as a kid, which became my new favorite, the classic peanut butter and jelly- something I hadn't had probably in ten years!

To make mealtimes easier, I stuck to making the same meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner everyday. Which I know now, is still not intuitive eating. The problem was, I was told since I was in recovery and early into it, I wouldn't be able to trust my hunger cues, as they likely no longer existed. So I had to eat even when I wasn't hungry, because my body needed it to heal. This felt like punishment, like force feeding. I still did not enjoy mealtime. I hated the act of sitting down to have my "required" meal. 

I could have made it a lot easier on myself at the time if I had actually been intuitive. "what do I feel like having?" "Do I want a sandwich, maybe a pasta dish?" "What will satisfy my hunger?" 

One of my biggest fears during recovery is that I would go from one extreme to the other, and never be able to stop eating. I thought if I asked my body what it wanted, it would tell me it wanted chips, and cookies, and ice cream, and burgers, and it would just have a party in my stomach- I wasn't willing or ready to give up my rigid healthy rules.

Knowing what I know now, I can see how I was in no way, shape or form ready to take on the practice of intuitive eating. I think the concept of intuitive eating might seem impossible and might actually be for those recovering from an eating disorder or disordered eating habits. However, I think it's something beautiful to strive for, an end goal that will reduce anxiety around mealtimes and the act of eating. 

It took me over a year to be able to tune into my body and ask what I want, to have a craving come up and listen to it. I still make mistakes and resort to where I'm comfortable, which is strict healthy eating, but every time I am able to tune into my body, and give it what and how much it wants, I feel so proud. 

During my disordered patterns, going out for an ice cream was never a possibility on my mind- I just didn't do it. I would say I was allergic, I didn't like it, or I just didn't eat it. Now, to me there is nothing better than being able to go to the store during the heat wave in Los Angeles and treat myself to an ice cream cone- something I haven't enjoyed since I was a kid!

I feel so proud every single time I am able to remember to tune into my body and ask what might satisfy it best. Like after the gym, recognizing I am hungry, and asking my body what it wants after it carried me through a nice long workout, and best of all, listening. 

And to answer the question, and settle my fears, your body will not only crave treats. After a weekend of indulging, my body will crave a salad for balance. On a hot summer day, I will crave watermelon, or something light, over a hot meal. 

Listen and trust your body, it's on your side.

Intuitive Exercise

"The mother of excess is not joy but joylessness."-Frederich Nietzsche

 I'm sure we're all familiar with the quote how too much of a good thing can be a bad thing, right?

For people who have experienced 'black-and-white thinking', also known as the 'all-or-nothing attitude or mindset', we have a hard time wrapping our minds around this concept. If it's good for you, wouldn't the more you do it be better?

Wrong.

This was my opinion on exercise. Slowly, my obsession developed from a harmless three times a week, if I could fit it in my schedule, to a no-excuses seven times a week regimen. I didn't take days off, I didn't rest, and did whatever I had to do to make my workout happen.

As my obsession with exercise developed, so did my obsession with following what I thought was a clean diet, which turned out to be extremely and dangerously low in calories.

For someone who was obsessed with fitness and obsessed with feeling progress in every area,I definitely wasn't succeeding. I remember feeling too tired to complete my workouts- having to take a knee while my trainer had tried to convince me I had the ability to keep going. I felt defeat, shame, and weakness. I often felt lightheaded from not eating enough to fuel my workouts, or feeling too full because I took in too much after a period of restriction. I remember pushing my body to the brink of exhaustion in order to complete a workout and hit an unrealistic quota which I set myself. I would walk out in the middle of an exercise class and sit in my car and cry, waiting out the period where I felt faint or dehydrated, whatever it was that stopped me from continuing.

When I was pushing myself and my body, the workouts no longer felt as if they were giving me a release of those 'happy endorphins' which caused people to work out in the first place. I felt pressure and stress, like if I didn't perform at a certain level, I had somehow failed. But, I often failed to realize as much as I valued fitness in my life, I was not and am not an athlete in training for anything. I am a regular person, who enjoys working out, because I like it and it feels good.

When I first learned about the concept of Intuitive Exercise (working out how and when it feels good for your body) I thought it was a nice idea in theory, but given my background, I just didn't think it would ever be possible for me.

I had developed strict rules around being in the gym: the days I'd go, the exercises I would perform, how long I'd be there, etc. I couldn't imagine simply doing nothing.

A week after I was discharged from the hospital, I tried to go for a bike ride, despite my doctor telling me to remain on bed rest. I only wanted to see if I could ride a mile, but felt as if I was barely moving. My legs weren't cooperating with me.

After realizing how mean and unforgiving I had been to my body for all it had gotten me through, I took almost a year off of serious exercise. It was extremely hard for me, but I knew it was what I had to do to start healing my mindset around exercise and my relationship with food.

I learned to appreciate things about myself that weren't related to my body, and how to feel accomplished about things that didn't have to do with my workout, my ability to 'stick to my diet' or things of that nature.

When I decided to start up in the gym again, I was extremely nervous, unsure if I was ready, and unsure if I would be able to properly manage a routine without overdoing it again.

Disclaimer: I am still and will always be working on this as it takes a lot of practice, self-reassurance, ability to forgive yourself and patience. Sometimes you will mess up, and that's OK, that's part of the process.

In committing myself to the gym, I also knew that if I wanted to work out, I had to properly fuel my body to do so. I believe intuitive eating goes hand-in-hand with intuitive exercise, but for me I had to set a few rules. If I wanted to do a more intense workout, I had to fuel myself before and after. Our bodies are like cars and cannot function properly if we don't give it the gas we need to run. I would not count calories, but I would have a minimum. I knew I had to eat all of my meals and snacks, and if I felt like eating extra, that's great. Food is like science. In order to run properly, we need a certain amount, and in order to feel well at the gym, we can't eat too close to when we intend to be moving our body and allow time for digestion.

Going into the gym for the first time, I had already made a promise with myself that I wouldn't step on the scale or ever use that as a determining factor of my journey, as I know it would cause me problems.

I didn't want to compare myself to anyone else in the gym, their ability, or what they were working on, I simply wanted to appreciate the fact that I was there and I was able to move my body at all.

The key to intuitive exercise is being in tune with your body and ask yourself what you feel like doing, what movements will make you feel fulfilled that day? I think the most damaging thing someone can do when going into the gym, is forcing themselves to commit to an exercise you don't like. If you hate running, and put 30 minutes on the treadmill timer, you're going to be miserable starring at the clock for 30 minutes, and you're going to dread coming back. Instead, if you love dancing, see if your gym offers a Zumba class. It's a great way to meet like-minded people, and have fun while you're moving you're body, and you'll be doing it in a way that doesn't feel like a chore.

For me personally, I enjoy boxing, and working out my legs, so I like the stair master, the bike, and things of that nature, so when I go to the gym I have fun.

I also think another thing that can be damaging for someone who is recovering from an eating disorder is committing to a workout plan right off the bat. For example, dedicating a day to a specific area to workout. (ex: Monday= arms, Wednesday= legs, Friday= full body). Say you're really tired after work on a Wednesday, you're going to dread thinking about having to do a leg workout when you don't really have the energy to spare.

Before you get into the gym, take into account how you feel. Do you have extra energy? Are you a little more tired? Ask yourself what kind of movement will make your body feel good. Maybe it's some light stretching, maybe it's a cardio kind of day, or maybe it's a day to lift some weights.

Trusting your body that it knows what's in your best interest feels really empowering. I used to not trust my own intuition, and force things on myself. However, I've been learning to trust that my body will let me know how long it feels like working out- some days it's just shy of two hours, and other days it's not much more than 20 minutes. And that's OK, our energy levels will be different each day.

Treating your body like it's on your side and you're on the same team as your mind is a great feeling and goes a long way in healing your relationship with food and exercise. It will take time, practice, and patience, but the progress you make will feel like a great accomplishment when it comes.

4 healthy on-the-go snacks for back-to-school

With back-to-school approaching all to quickly, there is still a lot left for students to prepare for. Once you're past creating the 'perfect' schedule, there's shopping for school supplies, back to school clothes, and making sure you get the most out of whatever you may have left of the summer.

(C): Pixabay.com

One thing I am always conscious of when thinking of back-to-school is making sure that I am properly fueling my body and my mind for the long days ahead. Working part-time while attending school full-time, I am often on the go running from one activity to the next left with little time for a sit down meal.

During the week I rely heavily on snacks to power me through my day and ensure I am getting a proper amount of calories and nutrients for my busy lifestyle.

Below are some of my favorite products that I often pack in my lunch box during the week for healthy and quick mid-day pick me ups that don't require refrigeration.

*Note: these are just suggestions and can be altered to fit your needs/dietary preference.

1. Dried Edamame 

(C): Amazon.com

Edamame is naturally high in protein and fiber and also contain a balance of plant-based protein and carbohydrates.

The snack satisfies the craving for potato chips and desire for a crunchy snack without any added oils. It makes for the perfect snack for in-between classes or a unique way to dress up your salad at lunchtime. My favorite brand is cruncha ma me® original flavor (naked).This particular brand is also available in lightly seasoned, sea salt and black pepper, onion and chive, jalapeno, and savory sesame. Another favorite is SeaPoint Farms Dry Roasted Edamame in spicy wasabi. 

2. Chia beverages and squeezes 

(C): Amazon

Our body needs Omega-3s to function properly. These can be found primarily in fish and those on a plant-based diet can also receive them from nuts. However, unless you are also taking supplements, it can be tricky to ensure you are getting a sufficient amount from diet alone.

(C): Amazon

Mama Chia products pack a powerful nutritional punch with each drink offering 2500mg of Omega-3s, while also providing a healthy dose of protein, fiber, vitamin A and calcium. Mama Chia has a line of veggie and fruit flavors. Despite the label, you get more of the chia seed texture than any overpowering fruit or veggie flavor. If you've ever tried boba, it's along the same lines texture-wise. The chia seeds expand in liquid, which makes it taste more like a desert. 

If you'd rather have a snack than drink, the chia squeezes are another great option offering 1,200 mg of Omega-3's and come in a variety of flavors. 

These snacks are a clean and quiet option to satisfy hunger for those times when you're stomach starts to growl in the middle of class. 

(C): Amazon

(C): Amazon

3. Protein bars or shakes

(C): Amazon

Protein bars or shakes are a great choice, because there is a lot of variety of what you can do with them. 

You can have a bar by itself, or for a more complete, balanced meal add a packet of peanut or almond butter with a banana.

Protein shakes can be mixed with any toppings you enjoy, and used as a meal replacement or for a tasty treat to sip throughout the day. This is also another great way to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into your diet.

4. Dark chocolate:

Unlike many of the traditional chocolate bars offered in gas stations and check out lines, dark chocolate offers us many health benefits when consumed in moderation (one square 2-3x/week). These benefits include: lower blood pressure, improved blood flow to the brain and heart, which improves cognitive function, regulating blood sugar, and offers antioxidants.

Dark chocolates offering at least 70% cocoa provide the most benefits.


Question: What are some of your favorite snacks to pack for school or work? Which brands offer your favorite products?