I've hated New Year's Resolutions ever since the year I vowed to stop cursing. The second the ball dropped, my mom leaned in to hug me, spilling champagne on my lap in the process,
"Oh what the f-!" I exclaimed. At that moment the whole year ahead flashed before my eyes and I felt shame that I had already 'failed' and had a whole year to live before I could try again.
From that point on, I shifted my perspective and instead looked at each week and each new day as an opportunity to set short-term goals and achieve something that would make me happy and feel accomplished.
Given my history with depression, sometimes 'accomplished' for the day was as simple as getting out of bed and brushing my teeth and hair. My depression taught me to celebrate the small victories.
Another reason I hate resolutions, is because they are rarely concrete or measurable.
"I want to save more" - How much? By when? What habits are you going to change or implement to reach that goal?
"I want to workout more" - What are you going to do? Walk/run, etc.? How often is realistic for your lifestyle to go? Maybe it's once a week, twice, or going for walks on the weekends with your kids. Set a realistic goal for yourself to give yourself the greatest chance for success. You are not going to go to the gym every day, you are not going to spend more than an hour. Take stock of what you're currently doing and what habits you can implement that you are likely to stick to.
The idea of resolutions are great, in theory, if they are made with intention behind them. Sure, I'd love to find myself with $100,000 in 2021, but it's unlikely. If I can save $1,000, that would be great and more attainable considering I live on a journalist's salary.
I've always, always hated the resolution "to lose weight" in the new year. Again, it's about the intent behind the resolution. Why do you want to lose weight? In that thinking, it implies there is something wrong currently.
My mom told me this was among her resolutions, "the traditional lose weight, etc., etc.," it made me sad, because my mom is perfect just how she is and I mean that with every fiber of my being.
Setting the intention to lose weight in the new year for the sake of seeing a lower number on the scale doesn't cut it. It implies that once you reach a certain number, you will be happy. Wrong. Lower numbers on the scale won't bring you happiness I promise you.
I spent years and years of my life late December promising myself I would be smaller in the new year. "when I reach this pant size," "when I work out this many times a week," "when I drink x amount of gallons of water," "run x amount of miles." I never stuck with it past the second week. I overwhelmed myself to the point of obsession and I overdid it. My mindset was unhealthy and not genuine. I didn't want to do any of those things for a healthy reason.
Looking through old journals, I feel sad for that girl who wrote that year after year. I feel no sense of accomplishment related to the time I've spent trying to force myself smaller.
At my smallest pant size, I was the most unhappy. I had cut too many things from my diet, I didn't want to go out with my friends for dinner or drinks, and I felt incapable of enjoying a rest day on the couch. I suffered panic attacks, which worsened if I didn't abide by the strict regimen I set for myself.
If you want to be more active in the new year, that's great. Ask yourself why?
Maybe you were previously a smoker, and walking a mile feels challenging. Setting a goal to go for a walk after dinner a few times a week to work up to that ultimate mile would be a good start. Maybe during that walking time, you can catch up with a friend or family member on the phone. That way you are holding yourself accountable, and also being connected with loved ones.
Maybe you want to lose weight so you can keep up and play with your kids. That is a genuine intention to want to be healthier in order to be able to stick around and play with your kids. Each time you get to go to the park or the playground with your kids, you will feel happy that you can have that time with them. It's a good time to involve them in healthy decision making and setting those goals for the right reasons. They will be proud of your success.
In addition to changing my perception about how I think about resolutions, I try to keep my goals specific and not time-related to eliminate the possibility of feeling like I failed in some way.
I used to say "I'm going to work out more," to me, that meant every day, or I failed, which is unrealistic. Or I'd say I want to achieve X by March, which is also silly, because I felt pressure and rushed to achieve my goals, which wasn't really necessary.
Now, I like to set 3-5 goals for the whole year.
Last year I decided I wanted to move, I wanted a new job where I felt appreciated and made more money, I wanted to teach boxing, I wanted to learn CPR, and I wanted to hit a particular savings goal.
I moved twice during the year, once to renting a room from a friend, and the second out of state, where I secured a new job. I had the opportunity to teach boxing classes, which I loved so much.
The last two goals I didn't hit, but I don't feel in any means like I failed, because I can still do those things. I still want to do those things. I plan to redirect my energy towards achieving them this year.
Resolutions are supposed to motivate us and make us feel good, not like failures in any way.
There's no rule book that says "you must set your resolution before midnight Dec. 31, or it's too late," something I used to believe when I was younger as well!
Take time to think about it, what do you want to achieve and why? Set your intention, and make sure it's a genuine one. You'll have a better chance for success and you'll feel more pride in the long run.
Happy New Year! Here's to a better year.
